C is for Cookie ."Nah " C is for Calories....

Preeta and Shania, Narissa and Lemonisa

Round de table eating.....(pam pa dam)

Bet yuh life is calories dey counting........

And if yuh ketch dem starvin

You can get all de food dey eatin

Doh make a row.......

De pounds pile on and de calories take over town

(Refrain sung to de tune Jean and Dinah)

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Well , well , well !!!!!!!!!!! Look who's back ..... Sorry I took so long to post a new entry. I know that this blog is a form of comic relief to most of you guys. (hahaha) Well at least I hope so. Any ways things have been very hectic. School is ah pain , the people job is ah pain ,individuals are a pain. I sure yuh get de drift. So yuh would think with all this stress I would lose a good five pounds. Nada , nien , non , zippo. Yep I probably gain a pound or two or twelve. Anyways I was thinking that I need to revamp my diet and exercise plan , yep that is the only way I could win the battle of the bulge ...... So since school just start back and I back in school mood I'm going counting . Yes counting is de plan .

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Way back in '05 when I was trying to lose weight(for Tribe ) I came up with the bright idea of counting calories ... Now math is not my forte and counting calories gets a bit tedious and annoying . But when you start counting it does wonders . Yep counting cals made me think twice about what I put in my mouth yes . Not that I accustom putting any old thing in my mouth (cause I ent that kinda girl ) . Any way back to the point . So when I started counting calories and writing down every thing that I was eating , one piece of guiltiness hit meh , whap in meh arse . Why ? Now yuh wondering why I feeling guilty about eating , because when all those numbers add up , papa I felt like changing meh name to Pretty Pig, Lovely Hog or Beautiful Swine . Yep I was really pigging out .

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That really put things into perspective . Every little bite is a calorie . De only thing that is calorie free is water , salt , tea (sans sugar , and yuh know how I feel about that ) and coffee . So I started to get really paranoid about the things I was putting in meh mouth . See me reading labels with a magnifying glass and with my calculator adding up cals (math ent my thing hence de calculator ). If an item did not have a label, I was not eating it . I even got a book about the calories in a thousand different food items. If yuh did ask me how much calories in a raisin or a grape seed I could have told you .

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Counting calories became a part of my life . Like brushing my teeth or playing in Tribe , it was a given . My friends started calling my CCC, not Civilian Conservation Corps (remember dem ?) but Clementina de Conscientious Calorie Counter. And I became the worse dinner companion yuh could ask for. So dey stop inviting meh out to eat. But ask meh if I did care ???? Nope , I was losing weight and that year I was on like boil corn (275 cal)... So I think that calorie counting is going to be the lick for this year. Well I better go and purchase meh Texas instrument and I off to count some cals ..... 1, 2 , 3 ,400, PAPA 5000 CALS .......

Wine Down ,wine and touch yuh toes , Wine down, wine and touch yuh toes ,Get on bad and make things exposeee.....

Me here .. I was thinking about this whole diet and exercise thing and it was kinda stressing meh out . Now in some cases stress might be bad , but in this case I think it will do some good . Not as good as a tabanca stress ,but stress is stress all the same and that could lend to a few lost pounds ....Anyway back to the topic at hand , I ent loss ah damn pound not even ah 1/3 of ah pound .Well I must say I ent giving it my all and I could try harder , much harder I might add . So with that thought in mind I decided to not study it and do a little partying

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Well that got me to thinking about de old time days . Yeah de old time days when I was living in sweet TnT . Yep those were the days , now back then I was young so I did do as much partying as I do now , but I did do my fair share of wining . Yep every time a song came on the stereo, is wine and more wine . And it wasn't no small wine yuh know, is wine down to de ground and come back up about 12 times .So with that in mind I decide to shake up my exercise regime and try something new . Well papa ah time was had by one and all

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Ever so often I used to see these folks in my gym with hula hoops . So farse me say ,how hard that could be , after all I am a Trini and if is one thing we could do is wine . No matter what colour , creed or race once yuh name Trini , I believe that wining is yuh birthright . So with that mentality I gone in de people class .Cardio Hoops was de name ,an wining is de game . Now I know I could wine but wining with ah 25lbs hoop around yuh waist is a totally different thing . This was de one time I was happy to have a little extra fat around de midddle section ,to cushion de blow nah .

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So we start ..... first to begin with we ent wining to soca ( I know we in de USA , but still man ) is only "dum dum dum dededum dede da da da dum" . Yuh know nah house music , but I say to my self I name trini and I could wine to anything so I start . So I wining , thing going good I well pelting waist . I looking like a star ,nuff people watching meh and I only singing to my self "this is how ah does wine babee ,this is how ah does ,wine , wine, wine " Man this shit easy to bad .... Well who tell meh to say dat ....Meh arse was grass after them words .

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Well boy it was wine down to de ground and come back up time . I know I say I used too wine down and come back up with ease , but that was 15 to 16 years ago when I was a yute . To wine down to de ground now I need support . De support of ah man , ah wall , ah fridge , ah tree anything to help make my transition back up easy . Thinking about it going down was not hard nah , cause I was pumped , I was de star of de class ,every body watching me an thing . So I wine down quick quick ,quick ..... Time to get back up now is pressure , I start to chant "I know I can , I know I can, I know " ...... I saying to meh self "I name Trini I could come back up, man". I had to, to avoid de embrassment , so I look at my self in meh BMobile shirt and start . Left to right ,left to right, left to right , and I easy up slow ,slow .Talk about out ah time , no timing at all sah , but hey I reach up cool cool . De only thing thou de hoop remain right de on de effing floor , talk about shame .

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Thank god de class was soon over .. I pelt meh arse out that room so fast eh . But my name is Trini and if is one thing I could do is wine . So on my way home I pass in Borders and a pick up ah hoops DVD . I going home to practice and with my soca blasting I go get it right . So look for meh in de class next week, is hoops on meh arms , neck, foot .... And believe me , I would be winning down with ease and most importantly I will come up back up ..... no pressure at all at all with the hoop to boot . So I gone with dat one , I going to oil meh waist and buss down some wine .... Doh worry , by de time carnival reach I will turn out to be ah tru wining cri-mi-ni-mi-nallllllllllllllll......................

WHAT SWEET IN GOAT MOUTH DOES SOUR IN SHE BAM BAM ........

Well folks I hope you all enjoying de blog so far . I trying meh best .Well papa , yesterday in de gym was very trying . It is so weird that everybody and they mudder does be in my gym on Tuesdays ... Why ? Yuh ask ,I have have no effing idea . Anyway it was real pressure to get on de machines and to make things worse my belly was hurting meh . Yep so see meh up in de people gym with you guessed it : Tea . The man at front desk was like "tea in this hot weather "? I was like, "yuh ent know nah is a gripe I trying to soothe here. "

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Talking about gripe , I was asking one of de Little Missy's about suggestions for an entry . So she said that I should write about , taking ah purge . Well that bring back nuff memories . Yes siree , to way back when I used to get nuff purge . Yuh know how that was . Mother used to wake us up early on a Sat morn and it was senna in we arse . And yuh know how yuh belly does gripe with dat . Doh talk about when yuh get senna and salts , yuh bottom does be on fiyahh . Let's not start about de coolin ,yuh have to take for nine days prior to de purge . Oh geed !!!!! Is carrot water that tasting like drain water , and all dem damn bush tea (but that was okay cause I like tea ) and de worse one of dem all , MR burn hops in water ........ words cant explain that taste nah dread . So yuh probably saying what all this shit have to do with losing weight and mas . Buh wait nah I will tell yuh .

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Back in 2001, I was doing de mas preparation thingey . However de pressure was not that great cause I was playing in Poison and de band was not as hot as tribe . So I was well lallygagging and not exercising at all ,however de time was fast approaching and I start feeling fat fat ( in retrospect thou I was pretty slim ).Now push came to shove and I decided to drink senna tea for two weeks . Well papa de tea ent no purge , but I was worshiping de throne all day ,every day for them two weeks . I did lose a few pounds thou , but that shit was not funny at all (pun intended). Nah I cant do that again nah.

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Ah purge ent all that bad thou . A few weeks before Carnival it good to take a purge or two ,to clean out the system and to get rid of any skin problems yuh might have . However yuh need to take coolin cause yuh ent want any shit coming back on yuh skin . And it should also help yuh lose a few pounds too. So with exercise , diet and a little purge, come January I should be on point. I think I'll try a little Tissane too , but that shit doh play it taste stink nah and it looking like blood doh help either . But I am a trooper and I got to do what I got to do . Well I gone with that one .... all this purge talk have meh thinking , I better go and do 50 glute raises yes ,cause I need to get this ass in check .(no pun intended this time )

AH HUNGRY MAN IS AH ANGRY MAN .......

Well folks it is officially on ... Yep I have exactly six months to transform into de Uber Front Line Hoe. Well I know that she in there, under all that jelly, just rearing to come out and I ready to expose her to de world . Talking about jelly , no good fitness regime could work without a DIET . Yep the good old diet ,but eh eh yuh ever notice that the first three words of diet is DIE . Yes papa and that is exactly what I'm going to do over this six months . I think that de diet well be the hardest part of this whole shit yes .

So de very first year with tribe(yeah way back in '05) , I find meh self doing de Atkins . Now that was pressahhhhhhhh. I doh eat meat , so was only veges in my arse all day and night . Doh even start about de no sugar , look how I nearly dead . I is a tru English lady , I have to have meh tea at all times . Yuh know nah tea is meh "cure all" . Ah headache : Tea , ah belly pain : Tea , nara :Tea, ah bounce toe : Tea , ah get ah C in Organic Chemistry : yep you guessed it Tea tea tea ....and let me tell you tea without sugar does taste like shit . But I had to do what I had to do . All I was seeing was that 14 lbs yuh suppose to lose in de first two weeks on de Atkins . Well to make a long story short.... If I lost 7lbs , I did lose plenty . Yep after all that shit I lose about 5lbs , so not me and that shit again . No sir re ....

Well I really thinking about this diet thing now . Cause I don't know what to do . I wish I could have gone home for three months like one of the Little Misses . Cause I sure she eating all that good food and not gaining a pound(actually she lose like 9) . Yep ah Trini diet is de bess diet yes . Or like one of de other Little Misses said a TABANCA will work just as well . Yep she say if she man break up with her at de end of de year ,by carnival she will be straight .... But that cant work for me because , I have to first find ah man and then try to like him enough, so when he break up with me I could get ah Tabanca . But that is way to much work , so I might as well diet, because to find a cutie in DC , is like trying to get yuh goody bag from a certain "down de island band " wink , wink .....

So I have to think about this long and hard . I think I 'll go on ah mango chow diet . Yep eat some chow for breakfast , eat some for lunch , then more chow for a snack and last but not least some crix and a cup of tea for dinner . I bound to lose weight , but the only thing mango real expensive in whole foods dread . And I might get fed up of de mango , or meh bamsee might start to burn meh from all that pepper in all de chow I go be eating ....... This shit have meh stumped yes , lemme know if allyuh have any suggestions . I going and drink a cup of dandelion tea (it suppose help yuh get rid of de water weight . ) Oh and do 75 lunges while I'm at it .So I gone with that one .....................

I want to see Bally's in de air , I want to see Gold's in de air ...

****I want to see Bally's in de air , I want to see Gold's in de air and Lucille Roberts in de air ..... turn it up ,turn it up ,we goh run around de track we go lose weight for De Carnivallllll..... Pump it up, pump it up ,fitness madness to the max , we will be divahhhhsss in De Festivalllllllll*******.

Well folks today is the dreaded Stats day . For those who ent in de know Stats is when all de members send in dey current measurements( yuh know nah, hip's , bust ,waist and current weight, yep all that good stuff ). Well in de past , getting this info was like telling the Little Misses they had to play in a band other than tribe ........like a certain "Down de Islands" band , but I ent calling no name's. So any way I really trying to be de biggest loser so I ent sticking . Well I weight my self on three different scales ...... Yes madame one digital , one manual , and one of those scales you find in de doctor's office . Yep three different weights , so I added them up and den I took the average . And after all of dat , all I wanted to do was cry, I did not expect those digits ..... all those digits was saying " I get de Blue Ribbon Prize for de number one Heifer ". But I ent dwelling on that I know what I need to do ....And ah little hard work would not kill meh , it might maim meh ,but I could deal with dat .

So one of the Little Misses just get a new tight squeeze . Yes papa all was well in paradise , Sunday Lunch every day, not only Sundays .Yuh know when she get on de scale she bawl ... yep but I did tell she yuh only activity can't only be eating Sunday lunch and loving up .So now she have to work extra hard but I ent business cause I want to be de biggest loser (nah I only playing I, want every body to be losers in this rounds yes )

Well I trying to shake up de exercise routine , so I pushing meh self really hard . Yesterday I really push meh self .... all I was envisioning ,was me in Lara looking like half of myself and posing for nuff pictures . Well that really work yes I real sweat and I was so caught up in my day dream dat I did and extra 15Min's ....... So I think I will day dream every time I on de machines . However I ent day dreaming about being on de road nah ,cause that might be dangerous . Next thing I thinking I wining on ah sweet chinee name Dim Song and I wine off de people machine and break up meh arse . I cant afford to have no broken bones nah . No sir re .

So next week is new things agwan . I starting meh diet and I going to try this spinning thing . But I must admit I'm a tad bit intimidated . Cause I hear that spinning ent easy , I hear yuh legs does feel like it going to mash up and that yuh bumsee does bun .And doh talk about yuh "you know what " and believe me I ent trying to get dat mash up ; well not by any bike atleast (hahahaha).Any way we will see . So I gone with that one I going to do 300 hundred sit up . Yes yuh see right 300 BABEEEEE,.

Well , well , well ...... we have six months to go , give or take a few days . So this is when I officially start de exercise regime . In years past the majority of the Little Misses did not start exercising until they had to go pick up dey costumes (well it seemed like that ). De first year with tribe ('05 yes we was dey from de inception )no exercise took place until January . Thank god for discovery body challenge thou . However when we did pull out our musty gym gear ,we was ready fuh mas again . So I ent trying to make that ah habit so I starting from now .
So bright and early ,well more like early and dark 5:15 am to be exact I was by the people bus stop waiting for de good old metro bus .(yeah madame yuh see that is commitment ). I in meh favorite gym wear .... meh Bmobile shirt. Yep so every time I glance in de mirror (which is not often cause I ent like how de body looking these day's ) I thinking about trini and about the tres skimmpylicious costume I 'll be wearing come Tuesday . Yeah I only put in ah hour and a half ,cause I have to go do de people work .However is back in de gym again this evening .
So I looking , well maccoing on de book (facebook that is ) and I see two of the Little Misses posing up in de people band launching . Hmmmmmmmm dey wearing de top summer accessory really well papa. They just need to be de motivators yes . They could jump in Isis front line right now, not ah sit up or ah push up needed...... However some of us not so lucky , we have to treat this gym thing like ah part time job . And if we want to be some tru tru front line hoes that is what we have to do .
So little Miss Giggles ,I want yuh to spin and spin like yuh is ah top in mud , and when yuh kicking in dat class pretend yuh in an old kick up movie ,like yuh is Bruce Lee .....And Miss Stubborn I want you and Mr Basedoe to get tight tight tight . So yuh could be looking tight on de road (don't mind de corny pun ) Well as for me I looking to be up in that gym like it is my vacation home and I on ah vacation . Yep it going to be trouble in de place ,and I ent name Miss Trouble for nothing . Well that is that ...... I going to do two three squats ,soI gone with that one .
Posted by la-diablesse at Wednesday, August 01, 2007 0 comments
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CARNIVAL IS .........