WE DOH WATCH FACE......... ONLY WAIST

Me here !!!! Well since ah on de dole these days, I have ah considerable amount of time to think about my all consuming passion Carnival .So de other day I was thinking about which body part is de most important to the modern day reveler ..... ... To some it may be the legs, because that is what yuh need to be able wine down to de ground and touch yuh toes, and mind you I have not been able to accomplish that phenomenon since the year 1990 when we were all singing "No no we ent going home" right dey with Tambu ... Or fuh de fellas it may be De Bamsee, since that is what dey love to wine up against on de road ....and thank God after 30 long years ah finally grow one .... Now De Bamsee does play an integral role in de body part line up, however really and truly I think de mostest (yes ah say mostest ) important body part is De Waist /De Waistline or the lack there of ......... Yes papa cause yuh could have the biggest "Fart Pan or Pum Face" once yuh have a Waist like thunder yuh guaranteed to get nuff wine and play on de road (and that goes for both men and women alike ).

So lately there have been a proliferation of songs pertaining to de glorious Waist /Waistline. From Snake oil Waist to Thunder Waist these songs can't help but make you think about your waist or lack there of (an unfortunately I fall into the latter category)...... So yuh know yuh girl is ah intellect and ah always thinking about de next best solution for this thing I call ah body .........Well ah come up with a really good one , drum roll please ........." CORSETING " yuh ent see wrong.... "CORSETING" is de answer to this waist line problem .... So some of you may not know what this entails so I well give you a brief history.......

Way back in the olden days most women desired the perfect waistline. And like many of us today a 19 inch waist was not a god given asset . So what was a woman to do ? That is where the Corseting came in ..... Corsets were used to constrict the waist to de desirable dimensions .... And I ent talking about no Friedricks of Hollywood corset I talking about de real deal . Now this may seem extreme but guess what, nothing to to extreme when it come to being ah Hot Body Gal (in my best Jamaican accent )........

So I make up my mind to try this thing OUT ....Well as I mentioned earlier in the post , I on de dole so I ent have no big set ah money to by no fru fru corset. And I say all yuh need is something to constrict yuh waist ....So see me in G street fabric looking for cloth ...Well I decided on some Army Green Gabardine. Cause yuh know that is some heavy fabric and I fashion my self an army of one ... (They have some nice cloth dey boy, I was looking at some Indian Cotton but then I say one good tie and this big waist will rip whey that cloth )....So I went with De Gabardine ......

Well let me tell you that thing ent easy nah .... After De First Tie!! I start feeling like a market crab on Sunday.... De second Tie!! I start to wheeze ...De Third Tie!! Well that did not happen nah cause I sure I was going to ketch fits on de people ground ......So I just settle for two big ties. Well we will see if this thing work cause like I like tuh say " Pain is Pleasure and Pleasure is Pain" .... So people if yuh see me in ah party not getting on wassy as usual is" De Gabardine "....... If yuh start ah conversation with me and I can't answer cause I short of breath and wheezing is "De Gabardine" ........If yuh see me ketching fits on de dance floor .... Well dat might be a new dance or "De Gabardine" ....... But I ent care cause come February when I have a 20 inch waist yuh well tell meh better ..... Cause like Bunji say "WE DOH WATCH FACE ONLY WAIST "

DE COMMON FOWL MENTALITY ....

Aye Aye Look who decided to grace you with dey presence ..... Well I know I have some boffs in order, cause I really eff up with de posts and dem, and you know I could give you some good excuses (cause I love to make dem), but I can only come up with one or two shitty ones so I would not even fool my arse. On a lighter note ... ... It is time to take flight people ....De big band done come and launch , yep you ent see wrong is launch dey launch already .......So yuh know what that mean Pressure ,Stress ,Panic and Anxiety all rolled up in one. Eh !!!!!!! yuh asking why? Cause Carnival is almost here and just like last year I ent ready.... Talking about last year I was ah mess ,ah big shitty mess. The operative word here being big. After all these plans for ah hot body: Calorie Counting, Cardio Hoops ,Purge, Tabanca nothing ent work (well de Tabanca work after I came back ,cause I had a serious Carnival Tabanca and suga withdrawal....but that was after de fact ). And it really seemed like Patrice sang that song just for me, cause " I was feeling slack, ah feeling Real Slack" ...... Meh legs was slack, meh arms was slack and leh we ent even go dey with de belly ......But some how I pulled it off and still looked simi decent in meh pics ...... So with all that said I need to have a cohesive plan for 09....... Cause I have some bigger fish to fry this time around .

So de theme for this year big band is 'Birds of ah Feather ". Yes papa oui lovely, skimpy, seductive, sensuous , sexi birds. Is de Caged Canary , de African Love Bird, de Kisskidee, de Honey Creepper, de Parrot . But lemme tell yuh de one bird I ent see in de line up is " Big Bird"....Nope Big Bird ent there in de line up and I ent intend to fill in fuh him as a" Big bird individual" at all at all . So I taking in front before in front take me (and by that I mean de belly ) So is nuff brain storming cause I coming up with some good plans for this so called body this year. Cause really and truly I ent want to look common, as in a Common Fowl. They will have plenty of those Common Fowls on the road this year. Nope let me be a Dominica Chicken with all attitude and pomp .... Nah I have to soar cause come February I ent going to be a flight less bird . Yuh know nah like dem Dodo's and dem Ostrich (well i ent mind de ostrich cause they have legs for days ) but yuh catch meh drift ...... So as I said before I taking in front before it take meh.And with dat said I 'm off to de gym with ah Red Bull in hand .......Cause I hear dat Red Bull does give yuh wings and come 2K9 I looking to Flyyyyyyyyy......