Me here! Of late I have been in a constant fog and a soup of sourness , corn soup non the less , but still ah soup of sourness. If I did not know myself better I would think that I was suffering from the symptoms of ah Tabanca, not that having a Tabanca is a bad thing eh. After plastic surgery ah Tabanca is de bestest remedy for rapid and seeming-less weight loss. Yep ah Tabanca would be great , but that would entail me finding a man, liking him (he will love me immediately, because to know me is to love me ) convincing him to leave me and thennnnnnnn getting ah Tabanca. Now finding him is not going to be that hard eh but de man might like meh so much he would not want to leave me , and then that would not be a case of Tabanca , but a case of stalking, so ah Tabanca is out of the question for this year at-least.
You see how I veered of course, is this damn fog that I telling allyuh about. Anywho , I know exactly why I was so sour and I am not one for excuses eh . But you all know de saying "ah hungry man is a volatile , deadly, doh care and angry man ". Well ding , ding, ding!! I came to the conclusion that I was in and is in ah constant state of hunger. Yep is hungry my arse hungry. Now having discovered that I had to hit my self two - three tap and a jump kick, an tell meh self to get it together Ms Xui get it to - effing-gether. Mind you all the while I chanting this I hearing my mothers voice saying " you go ahead and kill yuh self for one day in de damn hot sun with yuh $600 dollars panty and bra with two beads here and a feather there." So now allyuh see where I does get my chats from. Mothers you have to like them. However, unlike my mother who was all of 109 lbs after 6 kids, I ent have it like that. I never even make a plasticine (play dough for you Yankees ) baby much less for a real one and allyuh done see this girth. So Mother Dearest try yuh best !
The upside or downside of this constant hunger is that I have been daydreaming a whole lot. Well really and truly is hallucinating ah hallucinating eh, but we go just say daydreaming since it sounding much better. So at any given moment I does just spaz out and next thing yuh know I on the road in meh costume. Now in this vision I does have a 12pack, a love trail, a size `19" waist and last but certainly not least a Mr with a best body and an even better waistline attached to my bamsee. From dusk till dawn is only pace and waist all road with a few stops here and there to pose for de paparazzi and de people. Now these visions don't last too too long eh, just long enough for me to realize that it does have some men on the road looking ah shitty, shitty mess. Yes every body know that carnival is color and woman but de men also play an integral role in in this equation. So tell me if it is fair for me to be killing my self to look some what decent in my costume and then just so, just so you want to come wine up my firm bamsee with your soft belly and hard piggy. That is a negative buddy , ah double effing negative .
Now do get meh wrong eh , it does have some men on the road looking like all that and a bag of cassava chips (350 kcals ), but de majority of men does feel like they looking like all of that and they are indeed looking exactly like that , as in " look at DAT nah ." Yeah we not suppose to watch waist but face , or is it face and not waist on the road , but I cyah help it when you waist erupting over yuh belt like Mt Soufriere. The last time I checked we were in Trinidad and not Martinique. De other thing is that you can go right dey on Charlotte street and buy a cheap jersey to cover up dem D cup size breast yuh have hanging dey. Then yuh have the nerve to come and want to come wine up on me with no bra on and we have the same size breast. That cyar work, plus if you playing in Tribe they are notorious for giving big breasted people some bras that looking like a breast plate from ancient Rome. Yep I know that first hand, because it had a year that my bra started by my collarbone and ended by my navel. So doh feel shame to check dem for a bra when yuh go to pick up yuh costume.
De fifteenth thing is , and I ent trying to come off rude and/ or uncouth here eh , but have a little control over yuh piggy nah man. All ah we is Trini and wining on ah bamsee is we birthright , plus yuh doing it since yuh was small. Come on now I really don't want to feel like I wining on a gas tank or a bench around de Savannah when I wining with you dude. Now I ent saying that it have to be swishing from side to side and I feeling like I going down a slip and slide when we winning eh, but train yuh piggy nah dread. It have real fetes where you could give it a little training before it actually hit de road come Monday and definitely Tuesday. Cause let it be known if yuh ent train yuh piggy doh come and wine on me, because I love my uterus and I will need it for future generations of masqueraders.
So like those one hit wonders sing this year " An Is Dat ". Please read and understand, cause when yuh see me on the road with my 13 pack and 19 inch waist if yuh did not deal with the aforementioned issues yuh well have to try yuh best and wine to de side. I gone with that one !!!
You see how I veered of course, is this damn fog that I telling allyuh about. Anywho , I know exactly why I was so sour and I am not one for excuses eh . But you all know de saying "ah hungry man is a volatile , deadly, doh care and angry man ". Well ding , ding, ding!! I came to the conclusion that I was in and is in ah constant state of hunger. Yep is hungry my arse hungry. Now having discovered that I had to hit my self two - three tap and a jump kick, an tell meh self to get it together Ms Xui get it to - effing-gether. Mind you all the while I chanting this I hearing my mothers voice saying " you go ahead and kill yuh self for one day in de damn hot sun with yuh $600 dollars panty and bra with two beads here and a feather there." So now allyuh see where I does get my chats from. Mothers you have to like them. However, unlike my mother who was all of 109 lbs after 6 kids, I ent have it like that. I never even make a plasticine (play dough for you Yankees ) baby much less for a real one and allyuh done see this girth. So Mother Dearest try yuh best !
The upside or downside of this constant hunger is that I have been daydreaming a whole lot. Well really and truly is hallucinating ah hallucinating eh, but we go just say daydreaming since it sounding much better. So at any given moment I does just spaz out and next thing yuh know I on the road in meh costume. Now in this vision I does have a 12pack, a love trail, a size `19" waist and last but certainly not least a Mr with a best body and an even better waistline attached to my bamsee. From dusk till dawn is only pace and waist all road with a few stops here and there to pose for de paparazzi and de people. Now these visions don't last too too long eh, just long enough for me to realize that it does have some men on the road looking ah shitty, shitty mess. Yes every body know that carnival is color and woman but de men also play an integral role in in this equation. So tell me if it is fair for me to be killing my self to look some what decent in my costume and then just so, just so you want to come wine up my firm bamsee with your soft belly and hard piggy. That is a negative buddy , ah double effing negative .
Now do get meh wrong eh , it does have some men on the road looking like all that and a bag of cassava chips (350 kcals ), but de majority of men does feel like they looking like all of that and they are indeed looking exactly like that , as in " look at DAT nah ." Yeah we not suppose to watch waist but face , or is it face and not waist on the road , but I cyah help it when you waist erupting over yuh belt like Mt Soufriere. The last time I checked we were in Trinidad and not Martinique. De other thing is that you can go right dey on Charlotte street and buy a cheap jersey to cover up dem D cup size breast yuh have hanging dey. Then yuh have the nerve to come and want to come wine up on me with no bra on and we have the same size breast. That cyar work, plus if you playing in Tribe they are notorious for giving big breasted people some bras that looking like a breast plate from ancient Rome. Yep I know that first hand, because it had a year that my bra started by my collarbone and ended by my navel. So doh feel shame to check dem for a bra when yuh go to pick up yuh costume.
De fifteenth thing is , and I ent trying to come off rude and/ or uncouth here eh , but have a little control over yuh piggy nah man. All ah we is Trini and wining on ah bamsee is we birthright , plus yuh doing it since yuh was small. Come on now I really don't want to feel like I wining on a gas tank or a bench around de Savannah when I wining with you dude. Now I ent saying that it have to be swishing from side to side and I feeling like I going down a slip and slide when we winning eh, but train yuh piggy nah dread. It have real fetes where you could give it a little training before it actually hit de road come Monday and definitely Tuesday. Cause let it be known if yuh ent train yuh piggy doh come and wine on me, because I love my uterus and I will need it for future generations of masqueraders.
So like those one hit wonders sing this year " An Is Dat ". Please read and understand, cause when yuh see me on the road with my 13 pack and 19 inch waist if yuh did not deal with the aforementioned issues yuh well have to try yuh best and wine to de side. I gone with that one !!!
6 comments:
And is dat! U does kill me!
I loveeeee itttt..hahahaha you are too much.I'm glad you are back !
well said.....fellas need to give their bodies as much attention as we do for carnival! lol very funny!
So what you saying is that you don't want to be a bench-warmer...lol
My days for warming benches has come and gone. I am reduced to taking little piggys to the market, entertaining the one's that stayed home and wiping the tears off the ones that cried wee wee wee.
Great one I had forgotten how funny these were .
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